great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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