theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
