No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
its liver damage thursday
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
