sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
