if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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