I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize