Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
