We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
