Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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