why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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