He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
