you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
