which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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