whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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