im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
