Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
420 ftw
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
