What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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