you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
