Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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