have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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