So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
