I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
