He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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