Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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