so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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