Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My dick has a subreddit
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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