Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
