u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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