my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Bring me that man meat
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
