It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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