The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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