We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is Oprah even human
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
