I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
