I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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