Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're completely useless in the revolution.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
