Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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