Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
