I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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