We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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