perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
