hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
