I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
