My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
