i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
