Princesses don't give blow jobs
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
