theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
