i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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