should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
