Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
