You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
