dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
