take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
