I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
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oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Blood and glitter go together right?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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