It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
