I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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