I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
