One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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