You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
