Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
