the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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