I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
