I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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