roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
